Mr A: my wife kisses me every night when I get home. Mr B: mine too, but only 2 c if I have been drinking.

Driver:is der no tree on dis road?Passengr:Sir,u r so great,I lik ur social mind.Drivr:Stupid,bus's brake has failed

Why do elephants never forget? Because nobody ever tells them anything

Boy: Mummy, if I failed in this exam I'll commite suicide.Mothe'Shut up! Never say that. If U try to do so I'll just kill you..

Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom? TeacheLittle Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom? Little Johnny: But I asked first!

TEACHER : Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.WINNIE : Me!

Wife:Wherever we keep d money, our son steals it.I don't know what to do about itHus: Keep it in his ENGINEERING books. He'l never touch.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Wife: Im ashamed of the way we live; papa pays the house rent, my brother sends food and clothing, aunty pays our electric and water bills and my friend Sheela buys us movie tickets.I dont like to complain but now its too much. Husband: U shud be ashamed; uve still got 1 sister and 2 brothers, who dont send us even a single penny.

After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."

Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?A: He wanted to win the No-bell prize.

Do you believe that getting married on a Friday brings bad luck ? "Of course, why would Friday be an exception?"