Reporter: How does it feel to become a millionaire? Millionaire: Sad, because I am not a billionaire.

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court,” said the desk sergeant. “No, no, no!”, said the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”

Why does history keep repeating it self? Because we weren't listening the first time !

What did Tarzan say when he heard the elephants coming? Here come the elephants!

Two Cockroach were Hospitalized for Injuries... 1st asked:How come here,BAYGON..? 2nd said:No Man,PARAGON..

Q:There is always a sign board'DRIVE SLOWLY' near school,bt never near girls college.Why? Ans:BECAUSE HERE VEHICLES AUTOMATICALLY GET SLOW!

Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously... Finally, santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes

A lady had 8 sons all named KEVIN, when asked how she differentiates while calling, she replied “by their surname”.

He said... Do u love me just coz my father left me a fortune? She said... No stupid, I'd love u no matter who left you the money!

Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I'm getting married. I'm tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear." The other one says, "I'm getting divorced for the same reasons."

Author: "I'm convinced that the publishers have a conspiracy against me." Friend: "What makes you think so?" Author: "Ten of them have refused the same story."