Teacher:I wish you would pay a little attention!Student:I'm paying as little as I can sir

Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes

Honey, when we get married, I'll be there to share all your troubles and sorrows." "But I don't have any, my love." "I said, when we get married"

Why does history keep repeating it self? Because we weren't listening the first time !

Stalking into a police station late one night, a man demands to speak to the burglar who broke into his home. "Sorry,that's against the rule," says the desk sergeant."You didn't get it," says the man."I need to know how he got in without waking my wife."

Man runs home shouting pack your bags honey, i just won 10 million in lottery. wife: Do i pack for beach or Resort ? Man : Who cares? just pack and get lost.

Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence? Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole

One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Boy- From the day I m ur friend, I m not able to eat, drink or smoke.Girl- how sweet, so u r madly in LOVE with me..!Boy- SHUT UP..!!, U made my pocket empty.

Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical and a good cook..... But the law allows only one wife

An AMERICAN couple on african safari. Suddenly a huge lion springs up n seizes d wife wit its giant jaws.. Wife: "Shoot!, shoot for Christ's sake!" Hus: "I can't! I hav run out of film."