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Teacher: Now, Johny, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating? Manu: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock. Employee: Who's there? Boss: Not you anymore.

Two men were talking at a party. "I," said the first,"only believe half of what people tell me." "Why ?" "I'm a lawyer." "I believe twice what people tell me." "What are you ?" "A tax inspector."

Stalking into a police station late one night, a man demands to speak to the burglar who broke into his home. "Sorry,that's against the rule," says the desk sergeant."You didn't get it," says the man."I need to know how he got in without waking my wife."

Q. What do men and beer bottles have in common? A. They are both empty from the neck up.

A lady had 8 sons all named KEVIN, when asked how she differentiates while calling, she replied “by their surname”.

Wife: u know, husband and wife are not allowed 2 be together in heaven!!! Husband: yes, that's y it's called heaven

A guy told his friend, “My father’s name is laughing and my mother’s name is smiling.” So the friend asks, “Is your name kidding?” The guy says, “That’s my brother’s name and I am joking.”

When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn't work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness

Mr A: my wife kisses me every night when I get home. Mr B: mine too, but only 2 c if I have been drinking.

TEACHER== Name four members of the cat family? STUDENTS== Daddy cat,Mummy cat and two kittens

Why does history keep repeating it self? Because we weren't listening the first time !