WIFE : " I wish I was a newspaper, so I'd be in ur hands all day." HUSBAND : " I too wish that u were a newspaper, so I could have a new one

A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home

Author: "I'm convinced that the publishers have a conspiracy against me." Friend: "What makes you think so?" Author: "Ten of them have refused the same story."

Why does history keep repeating it self? Because we weren't listening the first time !

Whats the height of hope??? A 99 year old lady going for airtel ka naya lifetime scheme.......!!

Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito ot her mother. "yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause."

Teacher: pappu, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago. pappu: Me!

What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant

Two flies order some food in a restaurant. One says: I'll take the shit with garlic. And I'll take the same, but without garlic, said the other one. I don't like to have bad breath.

Wife: Im ashamed of the way we live; papa pays the house rent, my brother sends food and clothing, aunty pays our electric and water bills and my friend Sheela buys us movie tickets.I dont like to complain but now its too much. Husband: U shud be ashamed; uve still got 1 sister and 2 brothers, who dont send us even a single penny.

Two men were talking at a party. "I," said the first,"only believe half of what people tell me." "Why ?" "I'm a lawyer." "I believe twice what people tell me." "What are you ?" "A tax inspector."

Mr. Verma got the following letter: If u dont send Rs.2 lakhs within 3 days time, we will kidnap ur wife.To this, he sent the following reply: I m very sorry,I cant fulfill ur demand, but I m sure u ll keep up ur promise.